I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
