Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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