Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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