you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My bed smells like the plague
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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