when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
