Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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