Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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