Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
