I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
