If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
