some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
