She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
