He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
