is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
