I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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