you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I smell like Dick and happiness
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