The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
