Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
