Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
