I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
