The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Less talking, more tequila
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
