so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
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my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
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If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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