Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
