In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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