Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
