Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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