We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize