Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
