I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
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You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
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The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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