Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
