Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Randomize
