I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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