Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
