that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
