there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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