My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
