I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
