Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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