I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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