My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
