She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
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