Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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