Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
