Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
