Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
