Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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