I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
