The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
