Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
