Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
