they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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