Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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