i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Rumble strips road head = magical
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
