afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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