i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Pooping to opera.
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