how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
