Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize