no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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