Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
