proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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