drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
