It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
