Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize