some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
this boner is exhausting
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There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
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I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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