I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
