Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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