I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
