You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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