Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
