never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
