You can't special order awesome
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
