Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
