hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
