I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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