i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
