Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
