he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
