wat bout pragnant strippers??
I bet he comes in French.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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