it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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