Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
