I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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