tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
