I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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