So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Randomize
