i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
