I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize